I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize