Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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