We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
