I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
