the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
