Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
