carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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