If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i think i have two assholes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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