Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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