I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
