my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there's paper in my vomit.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
