just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
