If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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