I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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