he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
