Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
