Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
