My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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