The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
