Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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