I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
