she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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