sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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