She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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