I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
