he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
