You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
