You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
