when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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