Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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