I cut my penus on the lid.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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