ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
