yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
