I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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