Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
