he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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