Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
