I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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