I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
