When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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