I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
how drunk are you?
Several
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
