WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
