Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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