my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
