i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
