I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize