Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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