Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
