I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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