The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
