I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
