So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
