You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
