This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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