you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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