Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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