i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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