is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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