i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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