he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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