Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
