the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
