Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
